January 18, 2009
I woke up yesterday with a sore throat and had a 101 fever by the end of the day. I knew it! I knew the moment I shook hands with one of my clients this past week who could hardly talk because she was so sick (and had kids at home with fevers) that I was going to come down with something. I just don't have the immune system that I once did. I get so angry at these people who walk around sick and then have the nerve to shake hands with you or hug you OR kiss you on the cheek for crying out loud!! Boy, I sound pretty stand-off-ish don't I? Maybe I'd be better off if I became bubble-Abby? No, that wouldn't be good either. After all, didn't I just blog a couple of days ago about how much hugs that day meant to me? So if you're reading this, please don't stop with the affection (those of you who know you are sick notwithstanding).
I'm disappointed to say that I'm still having problems going to the bathroom. I have a feeling the dilation didn't work - or only worked for the afternoon. I'm going to call Dr. T in the morning and see what she wants me to do.
Today I posted an entry on http://www.jpouch.net/, a website for people who have the disease I have (Ulcerative Colitis) and have had the surgery I had (j-pouch surgery). Check it out if you have time. There's a great photo of Django at the end. It gives a brief (okay, maybe not super brief, but it's not as long as my memoir) history of what I've been through in the last twelve months.
Before I did the post on jpouch.net I had been feeling kind of down. I got really discouraged after one of my trips to the bathroom and ended up in tears. Then I started feeling like the people in my life must be so tired of hearing about all the obstacles I'm facing, even though I really need to talk to them about it. Blah, blah, blah - I was feeling sorry for myself.
When I was writing my post on jpouch.net I reminded myself that I am responsible for what I make of all of these experiences. My mantra, "Don't be a victim, be an inspiration," came to mind again. Meaning can come of this if that's what I want to have happen. It's up to me. I will not let this ruin me. I will not.
This blog, the memoir I have been working on, my entry on jpouch.net - they are all ways I am trying desperately to reach out and help someone else through their grief or health problems or whatever else I can help with. That is giving me purpose. I need purpose right now. I felt so much better emotionally after my entry today. So I guess trying to help others is helping me too! (So much for altruism!)
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Hi Abby,
ReplyDeleteI just read your post on jpouch.net and was surprised at some of the similarities between us. My UC flared during pregnancy too, but for me it was during the third trimester so I was lucky that my daughter survived. I was so sad to read of your loss. My heart goes out to for losing your daughter. And then to go through the surgeries on top of it all . . . sometimes it seems like the bad things just don't stop, doesn't it? You are quite the inspiration!
I'm a dog person too and my dog was a great companion while I was home trying to recover from both surgeries. I don't think he understood why we went from hour long runs to barely being able to walk 50 feet though! Your dog is SO cute. Great pic on jpouch.net.
My jpouch and reversal was done in October as well (my colectomy was done the previous year at Christmas). I'm still having some problems too. My biggest frustration is that my body is so inconsistent as one week I'll be doing really well and then, all of a sudden, it goes back to a million trips to the bathroom, up all night, etc. It is so frustrating. Everyone keeps saying give it time, but I'm not very patient! Plus, I just returned to work and it is hard to explain why even after 4 months I'm not healed (people expect you to be better, not worse from week to week!).
I just started back running and doing some yoga too. I'm back starting from scratch, but I'm hopeful that I'll get there by spring. I want to be back doing some short triathlons and I hope to be able to run a marathon in 2009. We'll see.
I totally get what you mean about people being tired of hearing about it. Although, they can't possibly be as tired as I am of dealing with it!! My poor husband hears the worst of it, and although he is great about it all, I hate that I still have days when I'm not feeling well, tired from lack of sleep, etc. and he has to bear the lion's share of all the work. It is so hard to explain to folks why I'm not feeling great some days too. Even friends don't really get it. I guess no one gets it unless they've been through it.
Sorry, I'm rambling, but I wanted to let you know that I think your blog is great. Keep posting!
Take care,
Kristen
Kirsten,
ReplyDeleteI would love to stay in communication with you. Sounds like we do have a lot in common. It's good to hear that running and yoga could be a part of my life again! Thanks for reading my blog.
Peace,
Abby
Absolutely! I've been reading some of your posts and can relate to so many of the feelings . . . I've met a few great new friends through this whole experience - one silver lining, I suppose. I'm going to our local Crohn's and Colitis chapter meeting tonight with a girl I met whose colon burst and she literally almost died after months in the ICU. I'm reazling there are more than just a few of us out there and everyone has their story.
ReplyDeleteI'll let you know how the running goes. It was going pretty well for a couple of week over the holidays, but then I had a horrible obstruction or gastrovirus and ended up in the ER so I had to start all over AGAIN. I keep trying to tell myself just to do what I can when I'm feeling good and not to beat myself up when I can't, but it is SO frustrating. I feel like I can't plan anything with my "new" body, and although I'm in awe of my body's ability to heal, I sometimes get very angry at it when is isn't working . . .
Rambing again! Sorry :)
Kristen