January 13, 2009
I'm discouraged. Yesterday and today I've felt really down. I had been hopeful that Dr. G would be able to give me some answers as to why I feel so bad, but he didn't have answers for me. He said I could be having UC symptoms on the part of my rectum that's left OR it could be that my body is just still healing from surgery. He said it would take a couple of months to know for sure either way. So I have to put up with feeling this way for longer. Every time I go to the bathroom I just want to give up - it's so exhausting physically. Ahhhh!! And I still feel like something's not right - something is wrong. Jeremy wants me to make an appointment with my surgeon again and I think he's right. Maybe the doctors will start thinking I'm some paranoid pain, but if my gut (pardon the pun) is telling me something's wrong, I have to listen.
I'm so tired of fighting these battles. I'm so tired of trying to figure out what's going on with my body. Oh, I'm tired. I'm just not feeling a lot of enjoyment in life right now. It's been a long time . . .
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hang in there. you're on mile 23 of 26.2. it won't be long before you can raise your hands above your head in victory. i can read, and hear in your voice, how taxing the previous 23 miles have been. you need a figurative power gel... maybe a trip to chicago?
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