January 1, 2009
I woke up at 11:58 p.m. last night to the sound of fireworks going off at the Mission. I whispered "Happy New Year" to my husband who was also awake in bed next to me. Django wagged his tail without lifting his head from his warm spot at the end of the bed as if he understood what I said. But of course he understands what I say! Then I drifted back to sleep.

I was up about three times in the early morning hours to go the bathroom. The bathroom has become such a stressful place for me. I'm trying to think of things I can do to reduce my stress when I go (which is a lot these days -but I'm not complaining!). I started reading The Shack the other day. My dad gave it to me for Christmas. It dawned on me that I should read while I'm in the bathroom and that might prove to be a good distraction. I actually laughed at myself, "Ah, duh Abby! There's a reason that people read in the bathroom." Ha! I think it's helping me though.

When I finally woke up to start my day, I came out to the kitchen and my husband had started a fire in the fireplace. He had also brewed a pot of decaf coffee, the smell of which was tantalizing beyond belief. I haven't been drinking warm beverages because I'm worried they'll cause me to make extra trips to the bathroom, but this morning I couldn't resist. The picture we were forming needed me to have a cup of coffee in my hands. And so I partook of a cup of strong dark coffee with plenty of half and half in it. At first I turned down the sugar, but before I took a sip I looked into the mug and thought about the fulfillment that just a touch of sweetness would add so I asked my husband if he would hit me with a spoonful while he was adding the sugar to his own brew. I curled up in the "prayer blanket" my in-laws had given me before my last surgery with my coffee and my book and thought what a good day this was going to be.

My husband was milling about the kitchen when he spotted a hummingbird by the fountain in our backyard. I experienced Harper as a little hummingbird inside me, pulses and beats, and now every time I see a hummingbird I think of her. I smiled. Later in the morning as I was in the hammock reading my book I saw the hummingbird again. A wave of peace came over me.

I really haven't set any resolutions for this year. I'm just not feeling like I need to list off things I want to accomplish. I suppose that's a good place to be, huh? I'm living in the here and now, enjoying each moment for what it is. I was overcome with a sense of relief and joy today at how good I felt physically. There are these moments where I have no pain at all. I can't believe it. It's been so long since I have lived without pain of some sort. I would cry, but I'm just too happy to cry.

Sleepiness overtook me in the afternoon so I laid down and ended up taking a three hour nap. Oh that felt good. That's the way to see in the new year!

My husband's band is over right now. They have taken over one of the living space in our house with all their gear and instruments. They're practicing for tomorrow night's CD release party. It's like I'm listening to a musical translation of our year. It brings tears to my eyes.

Peace to you all . . .