Today is a new day

March 15, 2009


Yesterday I had an interesting experience. A fascinating woman named Jean who lives in one of the retirement communities that my dad is president of came to our home to meet Jeremy and me. She also just happens to be 87 years old. She was beautiful, down to earth, and has led this amazing life. She spent less than an hour with us, but I wanted more. I wanted to learn from her. I ached to know how she has managed to live to 87 years and still had a smile on her face, was still open to meeting new people, but more than that, how she seemed not to be afraid.

I took a three hour nap yesterday. I slept hard. It felt so good. When I woke up it was time to get ready to go to a wine tasting party friends were having. I reconnected with a part of myself when I was socializing. I met new people. I felt like I was "normal" again. On the drive home from the party I thought about how important it is to have social connections. That sense of community means so much.

I had a restless night's sleep last night. My dreams lately have had touches of reality in them so I have to really think whether what happened was a dream or not. I dreamt that I was talking to someone about Harper and that I started sobbing telling them how much I missed her. The closer I get to the year anniversary of her birth the more distant I feel from her and it panics me.

Today is a new day. It's been a decadent morning so far. When I woke up Jeremy was just returning from a trip to Starbucks with iced mochas for us. He then fired up the waffle maker and made waffles with milk chocolate chips in them. With full tummies we headed out into the cool morning air and jumped in the hot-tub. It was so relaxing. So here I am now, wrapped up tight in my robe and snuggled under thick blankets, ready to drift back to sleep for a bit longer.