Maybe tomorrow

March 12, 2009

My mind has been swirling lately. So many thoughts, I don't even know where to start. Last week they discovered a "cyst" on my mom's kidney when she was in the hospital for chest pains. While her heart checked out okay as far as they could tell, the cyst has turned out to be a large growth that her doctor believes is cancer. She is going to have to have her kidney removed. We're looking at the surgery being the first week in April. As far as we know now, the cancer hasn't spread. She won't have to do chemo. The removal of the kidney and the growth should eradicate it.

I hate it that my mom has to go through this. I hate it that I'm not able to do more for her. It's so hard to be helpless. I'm angry that this is happening.

I've had a lot of anxiety this week about my dilation appointment tomorrow. I'm always nervous and afraid beforehand. Hopefully Dr. T and Dr. G will have talked and they will have come up with some type of plan for action.

You know, I've been writing about all the thoughts that are going through my mind. I think I'm avoiding the feelings. It's a survival tactic really. I just can't go there emotionally right now. Too much. Too much. Maybe tomorrow.