Sitting with the silence

March 2, 2009

I stayed home from work sick today. Last night was just a rough night. I got some very good rest today. Around 11:30 this morning I fell asleep on the couch reading my book. I felt the sleepiness cover me like a warm blanket and set my book down just in time to be taken under. I was in this strange state of awareness as I fell asleep. I felt this peace come over me and I wondered if I was dying. I wasn't scared or panicked about it. I kind of welcomed it; the peace that is, and if the peace was associated with dying then I guess I was welcoming that too. It was a very odd experience.

Hmmm . . . just now as I'm writing this I was thinking about the fact that the only other time I experienced anything like that was when I believe Harper passed away. The part of me that wants desperately to have some supernatural experience with her wonders if that was in fact her spirit visiting me. Whatever it was, I wish I could feel it more often. Maybe I don't let enough silence into my life to experience it more often. There are a lot of ways to distract oneself from pain in this world. Sitting with the silence is not one of them. But it's what I did a lot of today, and it was healing for me. I wasn't afraid.