That's what we're going to do

March 13, 2009

I had my dilation this morning. It went okay. The nurse couldn't get my IV in the first time so someone else had to come and poke me again. I've been doing okay with that kind of thing these days, but for some reason today I got a little queasy and tense. When they finally wheeled me into the procedure room and gave me the good drugs I didn't fight to stay alert, I shut my eyes and relaxed. I don't remember any thing after that.

Dr. T hadn't yet talked with Dr. G. She said "I'm pretty sure he'll agree with me about doing the surgery." She said she just wants to hold off as long as we can before doing it, so if we need to keep doing the dilations to bide our time, then that's what we'll do. So that's what we're going to do.

So I've been feeling okay about my body these days. I've been viewing it from a sort of detached place. I've put on a few pounds so I'm not looking so sickly. Still, I need frequent reassurance from Jeremy. "Are you sure you still find me attractive?" I asked as I point to the scars and sagging skin on my legs.

"Abby, more often than not when I look at your legs I'm reminded of the sacrifice that you made and I think that's beautiful." He's a good man that husband of mine. I think I'm starting to believe him when he says those things to me.

After I took my two and a half hour nap today Jeremy and I went out and got a bite to eat and ran a couple of errands. We were easy with each other. We chatted about this and that. He made me laugh, I tried to make him laugh. I just felt so much like we were two best friends hanging out together. It made me happy.