Work in progress

April 14, 2009

Mom got discharged from the hospital yesterday and I drove her from Eau Claire to Eagan where we landed safely at Sara and Mike's house. Jeremy had made a mix CD for my mom that we listened to on our drive. The drive was very peaceful, and it was oh so good to be out of the hospital and in a home for the night! We watched the Secret Life of Bees last night (great movie - excellent book) before bed. I slept long and hard last night too. Mom is doing really well. She's sleeping a lot, but I think her pain is getting better and she's moving around really well too. Her appetite is not completely normal yet, but that's to be expected.

Jeremy got a hold of Dr. T and scheduled a dilation for me for tomorrow. I'll have to take off early from work which I hate doing, but I have to take care of myself first - that's one lesson I've learned. I'm bummed that I have to have the procedure done again, but at least I'm not feeling as sick as I was in the past when I needed a dilation. I'm just tired - my muscles are a little sore from all the straining I do when I go to the bathroom and am in need of a dilation. And I really do think I have a hernia, which I need to remember to talk to Dr. T about again. It'll be good to take care of this.

I've been doing a lot of reflection being back in the Midwest again. I've been thinking about who I was when I lived here. And you know what I think? I don't like who I was then. Things may have been difficult for me lately, but I actually like who I am becoming as a result. I feel like I'm less self-centered now. I have more compassion. Stupid things that were important to me just aren't important any more. I just feel so much more grounded now too.

I'm on Facebook now. I signed up during some down time in the hospital. I think reconnecting with people from my past also has me thinking; how did people view me as I was "growing up?" I look back and don't really like who I was at all. One of the biggest things I don't like about who I was is that I chose spending time with boyfriends over girlfriends. I was pretty judgemental. I always wanted to be the center of attention too. How self-centered can one be? But maybe that's just a part of growing up and figuring it all out? Maybe I don't need to be so hard on myself. I don't know. I guess what matters is where I am now - who I am now. I'm a work in progress and that's okay.