April 20, 2009
I'm sitting in my writing room, one lamp on behind me, the ceiling fan whirring above me. I was resting my head on the back of the couch looking up at the fan and listening. The whirring of the fan sounds just like Harper's heartbeat. I can't believe it. I wonder if I'm having auditory hallucinations? We have her heartbeat on CD somewhere. I'm sure Jeremy knows where it is. If I were to hear it right now I would sob.
I'm empty. I could sit here and try to think of crafty things to say to describe what I'm feeling, but I'm not going to tonight. Tonight I'm just going to say goodnight and give myself some emotional space to think and to feel.
So goodnight for now.
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