Patience

April 13, 2009

I am tired. I miss my husband. I miss my home. I miss my dog. And don't get me started on the Arizona sunshine. Ohhhh . . . I'll be flying home tomorrow evening. I love-love-love that feeling of seeing Jeremy for the first time when I get off the airplane. Absence really does make the heart grow fonder.

I saw a little girl in her Easter dress yesterday here at the hospital. Oh she was a cutie. I told mom, "If Harper were alive, I would have gotten her the sweetest little Easter dress and a fluffy stuffed Easter bunny." I pictured myself walking down the hospital hall with her on my hip. It didn't really make me sad to think about it for some reason. It was just an, "Oh yeah. That's what would have been," kind of thought.

I may be eager to get home, but I have found this space of internal patience that I've settled into. I am very happy to do for mom whatever will help her. And thank God for wireless connections in the hospital - that is definitely helping me kill some time. I think I've made some peace with the hospital setting now too. I've been okay; not having flashbacks or anything at this point. My gratitude for those in the healthcare profession continues to grow too.

So let's hope for a good morning for mom so we can head to Sara and Mike's this afternoon and be free of beeping machines!