A big day

April 30, 2009

So today was a big day. Jeremy and I went to UMC for my OB appointment. On the drive in I was thinking about how, when I was in the hospital, I had no idea really what the drive there was like, but how Jeremy made the trek usually twice a day. My first drive to UMC from home was in an ambulance after five short (but very long) days out of the hospital. And then it dawned on me: that ambulance ride was one year ago today. That was the second time I seriously thought I was going to die. I was losing a lot of blood every time I went to the bathroom. I blacked out a couple of times and then passed out cold when I was on the commode in the ER room. I was in more abdominal pain than I had been the entire time, I could hardly keep from writhing in pain.

When I got to the hospital for my appointment this morning I walked past a spot that my family and I had sat to get some sunshine once when I was in the hospital. I was all big and bloated, slumped over in my wheelchair with my yellow mask covering my face so I wouldn't catch anything outside. I couldn't sit in the sun or look at anyone in the sun, my eye sight was all messed up from the medications. But I was happy to be able get some fresh air. It was one of the first times in a long time I had been outside of my room.

Anyway . . . it was quite a trip down memory lane this morning. I was keenly aware of the state of my health today - GOOD! I am thankful.

When I signed in for my appointment in the OB clinic I started to cry. Jeremy got a tissue for me. He asked what was wrong. "I don't know. I'm just emotional," I told him. There was just too much going on inside my head.

This was my first time meeting Dr. K. When she came into the room she said, "Well you have quite an extensive history here, don't you? Some of the doctors saw your name on the appointment list and one of them said to me, Oh, she tried to die on us last year. Something about her saying that validated my experience for me. I wasn't just a number. I was a person with a unique experience that people cared about and remembered. It would have been hard for me to be there and feel like they didn't know me. My experiences there, in that hospital, changed my life forever. I guess it's just another example of a way that I need others to be a witness to what I've been through.

So Dr. K was amazing and spent a lot of time (probably 45 minutes or more) talking with us and answering our questions. Here is what I recall:

*About getting pregnant: She said that because of my age and situation, she would recommend us trying for six months (if we decide to try again), and if nothing happens, to come back and see Dr. H, a specialist who could help us. She said that yes, scar tissue around my ovaries and fallopian tubes is the main reason getting pregnant might be difficult. However, when she did her oh-so-fun exam, she said that my uterus felt like it was not stuck in place by scar tissue, and that she could feel my ovaries too, which was good.

*If I were to get pregnant: She said that I would be considered high risk and that they would watch me "like a hawk." She said that there is a perinatal specialist (I think that was her title) she would suggest I see (Dr. M) if I felt comfortable doing so.

*About the medications: She said the antibiotics I am on are typically ones they avoid giving to women who are pregnant, especially in the first trimester of pregnancy. She said she would talk with Dr. T about other possibilities that would work for me. She said the same thing about the conscious-sedation drugs they give me when I have my dilations. She said not a lot of research has been done about the issue yet, and that we would really have to weigh risks and benefits. She said research shows that many pain medications can be okay during pregnancy so long as they aren't taken on a long-term basis.

*About the pregnancy itself: She said that she would do some research to see if there would be additional vitamins I would need to take since I don't have a colon and have a more difficult time with absorption. She said there were no guarantees about other issues arising like the UC did if I were to become pregnant again. We both understood that. She said the issues that I had carrying Harper were not issues that would carry over into this pregnancy though. She said from what she knew, the ultrasounds that I had with her showed she was developing normally.

*About the delivery: She said that she understood Dr. T's concern about pressure and trauma. She said that another option, other than a c-section would be to do an assisted delivery (I don't remember the exact term she used). Basically, she said my body would still do all the dilating, labor, etc. I would get an epidural and all the drugs to make me nice and comfortable. Then, when it came time to push, they would use forceps to take the baby out so I didn't have to do any pushing. She said that if after consulting with Dr. T we all felt like a c-section was the best option, then we could absolutely do a scheduled c-section, and that Dr. T could even be present to take a look inside while we were at it.

Other than that, she said my situation was unique and she wanted to do some more research. She took my e-mail address and said she would e-mail information as she found it. I liked that. Every doctor I've seen (GI, PCP, OB) have all said, "Well, you have a unique situation. I'll need to do more research." But I really haven't heard any follow-up. I guess it's time to start investigating more on my own too. I know one of my fellow j-pouchers at j-pouch.org (Redheadedmama) has done a lot of reading. I'll have to cyber-talk with her!

Boy, I can't remember if there was more that she said or not. All in all it was very helpful. I started crying when she did my exam. Jeremy did too. But he was there to comfort me and hold my hand. She was very understanding as well. So I came away from the appointment encouraged, but with more questions for Dr. T. Maybe at some point I'll try to see if it's possible to meet with both doctors together (since their offices are near each other).