Oh the possibilities!

June 4, 2009

The sky was cotton candy tonight. I'm home alone this evening as Jeremy's working late. I met with Dr. N for what may be my final therapy session with him after running home to let Django out after work. Dr. N said he thinks I'm doing well (as do I). We aren't going to schedule any more sessions. I can see him or talk to him on an as needed basis. He said I could go off my anti-depressants in a few months. Actually, he said that if I wanted to try to go off them now I could, and just start taking them again if I felt I needed to. Statistically the six month period after a depression has ended is a time that one is more vulnerable to another episode, so that's why doctors suggest staying on antidepressants for six months (for people who have had more than one episode of depression but longer periods of time between the episodes). I think I'll stay on it just to be safe. Why mess with a good thing, right?

I'm sort of tired about talking about my recovery. I feel like I'm recovered. I don't see myself as a sick person any more. I see myself as me, but different. Better - smile.

I'm excited about the possibilities that life has for me. I feel so freed up. No more internal need to prove myself. It's time to enjoy myself and enjoy life. I'm just going to hit the "stop" button on the tape that starts playing; "But that's selfish Abby." It's not selfish. I want to feel happy and alive and to do the things that make me feel that way. I believe ultimately that's what God wants for us too - joy. (Or maybe I'm putting that on God to justify what I'm feeling! Maybe he/she really does want that for us, but I'm saying it now because it fits my purpose! Oops. Probably not a good thing to do. Sorry.)

Anyway . . . I cancelled my dilation that was scheduled for tomorrow because I don't think I need it. That means I have a free day ahead of me as I'm not working Fridays right now. If I go a good couple of months with only needing a dilation or two, I'm going to go back to working Fridays again. In the meantime, I'm going to enjoy the free Fridays that I do have! Oh the possibilities of a free day!!