Stepping outside myself

February 9, 2009

I need to step outside of myself today, but in a different way than usual. I need to, and want to think about other people, not just myself today. I am not the only person in this world who is experiencing grief and pain. I was thinking about one of my clients at my old job on my way home from work. He would show up at the clinic from time to time, high, manic, and I was always so relieved to see him dressed in his tight skirt and wearing heavy make-up, but I worried that he was going to get beat up. I hope that he's still alive. I hope I run across him sometime. Talk about a tough life. He has a tough life and my heart breaks for the sadness I saw in his eyes, even though he always smiled and hugged me when I saw him. So much sadness that he was alone with. I am not alone. Thank you God that I am not alone.

And this evening I got some tough news. The senior partner at the law firm I used to work for passed away today. He was a good man. When I say he was a good man, I mean the kind of good that men across every generation recognize as being good; the kind of man that is kind and gentle and fair, and every day he thought about other people. He was a husband, a father, and a grandfather. He was a friend to so many people. Oh these words don't do him justice.

I was touched that he cared enough about me to send me e-mails and cards when I was sick. He told me that he was praying for me. I knew that he prayed every day too. His faith was an inspiration to me. As I'm sitting here thinking about him, I'm realizing that there is this feeling of comfort coming over me at the thought of him in heaven. You know why? Because there are things about his personality that fit my image of God; grandfatherly, wise, stern (he was the senior partner), gentle. There's something comforting for me in knowing that his spirit is there with God. It helps me think of God as an approachable person. If that makes sense?

My thoughts go to the emptiness that will be felt now that he's gone. God comfort everyone feeling his loss. Comfort God; we need comfort. I didn't understand grief before. I do now. And I suppose that means that when I am well enough to step outside of myself on a more regular basis (like every day), that I will be able to be the comfort for others that I see that they need. That's a gift, isn't it?