February 2, 2009
Today was a very hard day. But there were people there for me. I'm amazed at the people that were there for me. My dad called me at lunch time and let me cry on the phone. My dear friend Sara K. from Minnesota called and said just the right things to me (she always does). While I was on the phone with my mom, Davey and Yumiko left a message for me saying they are there for me this week if I need anything. The world is full of good people.
I did two things today that I think will be helpful for me. One, I scheduled an appointment for Wednesday evening with a psychiatrist. Two, I scheduled an appointment with Dr. T to see if she can do an effective dilation on me at the clinic in addition to the one at the hospital so we can possibly do two dilations a week. That is also scheduled for Wednesday afternoon. We'll see how it goes without the big gun pain meds. I'm not too optimistic about it, but I need to give it a try. I wonder if the psychiatrist will think I have a drug problem if I come to my first appointment with him a little loopy from Percocet!
Tonight I talked to my mom while I was on the toilet. I just needed some toilet-support. I cried at how sick I felt when I finished and she listened. I told her I was worried the night was going to be a tough one for me. My body is so exhausted right now. She asked me what I remember of Psalms 23. When we were kids we used to memorize Bible verses. I recited what I recalled, but it wasn't the whole thing. So she read it to me and hearing the words read to me brought me peace.
Psalms 23: The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want; he makes me lie down in green pastures. He leads me beside still waters; he restores my soul. He leads me in paths of righteousness for his name's sake. Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I fear no evil; for thou are with me; thy rod and thy staff, they comfort me. Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of my enemies; thou annointest my head with oil, my cup overflows. Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life; and I shall dwell in the house of the Lord for ever.
And then after she read it to me I asked her if she remembered the song. I remember the song from my Vacation Bible School days. I started singing it and she started singing it. We kind of laughed and realized that the song is supposed to be sung as a round. We tried to find a comfortable key and then she started and I came in a little later. It was a sweet precious time. That too brought me peace.
God, if you're listening, please restore my soul. Please. I don't know how much longer I can go on like this. I don't know how much you're listening, but I haven't given up coming to you. Please.
Today was a very hard day. But there were people there for me. I'm amazed at the people that were there for me. My dad called me at lunch time and let me cry on the phone. My dear friend Sara K. from Minnesota called and said just the right things to me (she always does). While I was on the phone with my mom, Davey and Yumiko left a message for me saying they are there for me this week if I need anything. The world is full of good people.
I did two things today that I think will be helpful for me. One, I scheduled an appointment for Wednesday evening with a psychiatrist. Two, I scheduled an appointment with Dr. T to see if she can do an effective dilation on me at the clinic in addition to the one at the hospital so we can possibly do two dilations a week. That is also scheduled for Wednesday afternoon. We'll see how it goes without the big gun pain meds. I'm not too optimistic about it, but I need to give it a try. I wonder if the psychiatrist will think I have a drug problem if I come to my first appointment with him a little loopy from Percocet!
Tonight I talked to my mom while I was on the toilet. I just needed some toilet-support. I cried at how sick I felt when I finished and she listened. I told her I was worried the night was going to be a tough one for me. My body is so exhausted right now. She asked me what I remember of Psalms 23. When we were kids we used to memorize Bible verses. I recited what I recalled, but it wasn't the whole thing. So she read it to me and hearing the words read to me brought me peace.
Psalms 23: The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want; he makes me lie down in green pastures. He leads me beside still waters; he restores my soul. He leads me in paths of righteousness for his name's sake. Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I fear no evil; for thou are with me; thy rod and thy staff, they comfort me. Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of my enemies; thou annointest my head with oil, my cup overflows. Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life; and I shall dwell in the house of the Lord for ever.
And then after she read it to me I asked her if she remembered the song. I remember the song from my Vacation Bible School days. I started singing it and she started singing it. We kind of laughed and realized that the song is supposed to be sung as a round. We tried to find a comfortable key and then she started and I came in a little later. It was a sweet precious time. That too brought me peace.
God, if you're listening, please restore my soul. Please. I don't know how much longer I can go on like this. I don't know how much you're listening, but I haven't given up coming to you. Please.
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