Spirit and body

May 3, 2009

An interesting shift in thinking has been happening for me lately. I've been able to step outside of myself and look at my body from a very detached place. This body is just the container I've been given. I look at the stretch marks or the scars, or see myself heaving into the pink plastic container in the ER and think, "Hm. Poor body. It's really been through a lot." I'm not so scared. I'm not all emotional about it.

But at the same time, I'm also very aware of the fact that my spirit is connected to my body. This morning as I was trying to rest, my mind was racing and I asked Jeremy if he would just hold my hand for a little while. He did, and just that small touch helped me relax. It made me feel safe and calm and I was able to drift off to sleep. The same kind of thing happens to me in other settings, as I'm sure it does to other people too. But for instance, I have a co-worker who puts her hand on my arm or pats my back after we've talked. Those small things make me feel so cared for.

So as I'm sitting here writing about this I'm suddenly flooded with images of times that people have physically reached out to me and comforted me. Why do I remember those things so vividly? Because they touched my spirit as well. Thinking about this makes me want to be more affectionate with people; to be more aware of what I can give and can do for others, even if it's just an arm around their shoulder, to make a difference in lifting their spirits. (As I read through this it sounds kind of sappy, but I really don't mean it that way.)

But then I come back to wondering, how is it that I'm doing better feeling detached from myself physically, yet also feel this heightened awareness of needing affection? Are they opposite ends of the same spectrum? Maybe not? It's a strange thing; this whole spirit/body connection. I guess it's one of the mysteries of life that keep us wondering, huh?