I Think We Can

March 15, 2010

"I'm so angry."

"At me?" he asked.

"No. Not at you. I'm angry at being sick, that we lost a weekend because of it." And I was angry. I was so angry I wanted to ball up my fists and stomp my feet like a two year old throwing a tantrum. I did not want to be that woman that Jeremy looked at across the room sitting in a hospital bed. I did not want to be the woman whose hand he held when they started the IV. I don't want to be her any more. I don't, I don't, I don't!

Just when I was feeling good - feeling really good. Just when we were moving past those roles of sick wife and strong husband. Ahhhhhh!

I guess the good thing is we're bouncing back quickly. And maybe that's all I can hope for any more. Because of my history, when things like gut pain, or diarrhea or vomitting happen, the doctors are going to respond differently than they might otherwise, as are Jeremy and I. As it should be. This is my reality now.

When we were sitting in the ER waiting room waiting to be called to triage, I saw a woman come walking out with her leg in a cast. I chuckled and thought to myself, Remember when you used to think the hospital and emergency room were only for things like stitches and broken bones? Remember when you had no idea about real illnesses? Remember naivity? Remember when ignorance was bliss?

The physical recovery from a short hospital stint like this is just a couple of days for me. I'm hoping that the emotional recovery is shortening as well. That Jeremy and I can get back to seeing each other for who we are and not for who we were fairly quickly. I think we can. I think we can.