Am I Dreaming?

March 16, 2010

Where's my locker? I think I have to go through the library to get there, but I can't seem to find the library. "Excuse me? Can you tell me how to get to the library?" I could see it, but I couldn't get there. They were building a wall where the staircase used to be so I couldn't get there. I couldn't get there. So I stood still. And suddenly, before me was a huge water slide, big enough it would have filled a football stadium. It was dark. I couldn't see very well, but I saw other people jumping down the water slide, fully clothed. I looked around me. Well, if I'm wet when I get there it's their fault. They're the ones who built the wall. So I plugged my nose and jumped in the water. I slid in the darkness, swooshing up the sides of the tunnel. I was terrified. When I got to the bottom, another obstacle was before me. I was in a life-sized pinball machine. Okay, okay. I get it. I can do this. This could be fun. I raced around through the machine. Speed. Speed. I felt speed. And then terror. Everything went dark and there were faces and hands reaching out for me. Wait a minute. I'm dreaming. I'm dreaming this. I don't have to be scared. If I'm dreaming this, then I can control it. So what do I want? What do I want to dream about? I want Harper. Maybe she'll come to me in my dream. So I tried. I tried to see her through the yellow light. I tried to spot her in the faces swirling around me on the street. I saw a little girl with loose brown curls framing her face and my heart quickened, but it wasn't her. "Harper?" I could feel myself calling out her name. Am I saying her name out loud? Can people hear me? Am I talking in my sleep? "Harper Lee Cashman?" I called again. I was calling her name out. And I couldn't tell if I was awake or asleep.