It was all I could do

July 8, 2009

"Sweetie? I'm just calling to let you know I'm at home right now. I had to leave work because of a migraine," I said today, knowing he would panic a little; visions of me vomiting into whatever plastic container we could find as he drove me to the ER flashing through his mind (okay, and really not so much the vomiting part that panicked him, but probably the visions of me passing out from vomiting that panicked him). "I'm not throwing up or anything. It's just that I've been fighting it off all day and I just couldn't do it any more. Nothing seemed to help. I'm gonna try and sleep it off," I told him.

"Have you been drinking enough water Abby? With 106 degree heat, I really worry that you're going to dehydrate." I told him I wasn't dehydrated. I had been drinking plenty of water all day, and besides, I had been inside all day. When I reassured him that I wasn't vomiting, he seemed to be okay. So I spent the late afternoon babying myself.

I had sat at work all day long, the pain throbbing one minute and then easing up the next. Finally when the ringing in my ears started I asked myself, "Who are you being tough for?" I decided that it was better to take care of me than to prove anything to anyone at work about how tough I was! Haven't I learned this lesson? Yes. In fact I have. So I drove home (in excruciating pain because of the bright sunshine in my eyes - you migraine sufferers will understand that!), took a couple more Extra Strength Tylenol, turned the lights off, and found some relief! I'm thankful that I have an appointment on Friday with Dr. M so I can ask her about a different migraine medication as the one I have now doesn't do diddly-squat for me. Cross your fingers.

But this is nothing. Seriously. In fact I was telling myself that on my drive, "This is nothing compared to where I've been," and as my mind drifted, "or to where others are right now."

I have a friend from high school whose little boy (not even two years old) just died this past weekend, unexpectedly. I've been thinking about her constantly. She has been keeping a blog and writing about what she's going through to keep family and friends updated. And now here I am, on the other side. I'm no longer the one in need. I am the one who can give, and its frustrating because it feels like I can't do enough.

I was thinking this morning, "What can I do for her?" I want her not to feel alone. But I know that even with all the love and support of family and friends, there will be moments when she will feel completely alone. She was the only one who was his mother. I just wish I could take the pain away so she wouldn't have to feel it. But she will have to. That's the only way she'll heal. And that just sucks.

So I pled with God, "Please God, please let her family draw closer to each other during this time. Please let them experience love like they've never known. Please let them feel comforted and deeply connected to each other." It was all I could do.