May 23, 2010
I napped the afternoon away yesterday, which would have been nice, except for the dream I had that woke me. My recollection of the dream started with me sitting on the edge of a hospital bed, hunched over as the doctor was about to put in an epidural. All of a sudden I realized that I didn't know what was going on. "Wait! What's happening here?" I cried out. I was alone with the doctor. "We have to take it out," she explained. Take what out? What's she talking about? There's nothing in me. There's no baby. What does she want to take out? "Listen, you have no choice here. We have to take it out." I began to sob. "I wish my husband was here," I cried as I hunched over again to let her put the epidural in. I didn't know what was going on. I kept thinking there was nothing there to take out. But just before I woke up I could see her begin to cut me open. And then I woke up.
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Awe Abby....don't know if you are anything like me, but I am a vivid dreamer. I usually have some crazy dream every single night. Often I find the dreams are somehow related to how I feel. I just talked to my husband about a bad dream I had last night. I drempt I was 6 months pregnant and still trying to hide it. I was having a boy, and as soon as I had him I had to give him away to my sister-in-law. Thats all I kept thinking in my dream was that I only had 3 more months with my baby before it was taken away. Mind you, I was 6 months pregnant when I lost JoLynn, and I was pregnant at the same time only 2 weeks apart with this same sister-in-law. She had her beautiful boy, and he's growing so cute every single day! Now is that not a dream of how my heart really feels.... :( My heart still aches for JoLynn, even if it has to show me in my dreams.
ReplyDeleteEmbrace your dreams, and try and figure them out. I cherished last night throughout the whole night I was 6 months pregnant again holding my baby, and never wanting to let go!