The feeling I thought I'd forgotten

February 23, 2010

"Here comes the feeling you thought you'd forgotten." The lyrics to a song I stumbled upon came to mind last night as I stood in line at the grocery store looking at my food on the belt. Huh. Look at that. Now this feels like me.

In April of 2004 I was out for a run with Django when a stray pit bull came flying across the street and chomped down on Django's face. I kicked and screamed at the dog. My vision became tunnel. I saw nothing but Django. I heard nothing but Django crying. It was horrible. Somehow Django got away and ran toward home. A neighbor yelled at the pit bull and ran after him to scare him away. Django needed stitches on his face and his legs. It was that weekend I made the decision to quit eating meat. Something about the violence of the incident together with my love for Django pushed me over the edge into the decision I had been debating about for some time. And that was it for meat.

Four years later when I was in the hospital, desperately needing protein, I began eating meat again. Okay, it started with beef broth, and then beef gravy on my mashed potatoes, but animal products nonetheless. I struggled with my nourishment for some time. And then after my colon was removed and I had my colostomy, there were so many food restrictions (no NUTS to name one) that I decided it was just easier to continue on eating meat. It's taken me some time to be comfortable eating again. But I think I'm finally there. I still get a little nervous and am careful about when I eat a salad for lunch or when to eat my fruit for the day, but all in all I feel like myself again. And so it was that I decided this past weekend to begin back on my vegetarian lifestyle. No more meat. No more leather. No more animal products in my food. So long Skittles, Yoplait, Starburst, marshmallows . . . ahhh . . . so long sweet treats.

And yesterday as I stocked up on my vegetarian staples at the grocery store, I sighed inside. Yes! This is ME! What a good feeling. The feeling I thought I'd forgotten.