It's still there

January 9, 2010

It's the early morning hours when the memories most often flood me. After my second or third time of getting up to use the bathroom in the night, it's hard not to think about the reason my sleep is being disrupted and of all the other restless nights I've had. This morning, before the sun came up, it was thoughts of all the poking and prodding that was done to me. Because it's in the name of healing we don't call it torture, but really, let's be honest. I went through torture for weeks and weeks on end. I'm sitting here wanting to describe it all, but I can't. I don't even know where to start and I don't know that I want to give any more mental space to it now that I'm awake and ready to start my day. But it's still there in my head - the torture. It's still there.