I just don't know

January 7, 2010

"You know, there isn't a day that goes by that I don't think about the hospital. And not just once, but several times a day. Do you? Do you think about it?" I asked him.

"Yeah. I think about it just about every day. I think about it a couple of different ways. Sometimes I think about all we went through, and other times I think about all that's missing from our lives now," he said.

It's such a buzz word, I know, but I feel like I need something in order to get closure. Not with Harper's death. I think I'm understanding more and more all the time how to incorporate the memory of her in my life. No. What I need closure with is the hospital experience. How do I incorporate that grief and experience into my life? I just don't know. But it's a huge part of my experience. I feel like I need to talk and talk and talk about it. Except that it's just not so cool to talk about that kind of thing. I just don't know what to do.